I don't put up with nonsense in my house. My boys know that. Now, whether or not they think about that 24/7, is up to them. And, as humans, they are known to falter. But I don't let that excuse them.
Recently there was an issue involving my 8 year-old and some friends on the playground during recess one school day. I received a message from one of my VERY BEST friends in the whole wide world about something my son may have said or been involved with that was hurtful and directed toward her son. I was devastated.
Without boring you with all the lengthy details, suffice it to say that my son had clearly made a poor choice in his words. Playful as they may have been, they were hurtful to the person on the receiving end. Upon asking my son about the incident he clearly told us (with his head hung in embarassment) that he had in fact said something that was unkind and without thinking. He was asked to pick his consequence and we moved forward from that point. I remember talking to him with tears in my eyes about how even when we are joking or playing around, we still need to be very cautious about the words we use because the person who is receiving those words may not take it jokingly. One thing about my son -- he's not perfect but he (for the most part) never has ill intentions. He explained to me that he didn't know why he said what he said but that his friend didn't deserve it and that he "felt bad" about the whole ordeal. My husband and I asked him about the times that he's been treated less-than-nice by friends before and if he would ever want to make someone else feel like that. He of course replied, "no".
Unfortunately, we sometimes cannot take back the words that are spoken. I want my son to know this and engrain it in his brain! It's ok to be forgiven but sometimes being sorry is just not enough. I want him to have empathy, compassion, and a heart when it comes to his friends, family, and other people around him. I feel good about the conversation we had with him about this incident and we've made it clear that no matter what is allowed in other households by other parents, it will NOT be tolerated in our home. I think the biggest consequence for him is that he knows that we have been disappointed by his choices.
I feel very strongly about this issue, especially when it comes to happening at school. I can't stand parents who have the attitude of "oh, well just boys being boys" or "oh, not MY kid!" I have made it known before that I'm not that kind of parent. I usually refrain from getting steaming mad until I've heard both sides of an issue but once I've heard it all, I believe in fair consequence. I also know that this will be an issue that we will revisit over and over again.
That's why I was very happy to learn about the upcoming No Name-Calling Week intitiative. We ALL need to focus on our kids and tune into what is REALLY happening at school! Parents, no longer can you just sit and shrug these issues off as "no big deal" and think that it is the teachers and administrators who should deal with the problems of bullying. And teachers and administrators should feel open enough to report these incidents (no matter how small!) to parents without being made to feel like they are being nit-picky. I, for one, want to KNOW when my kid is involved with an issue of bullying. How can I effectively deal with them and use these opportunities to teach him if I don't even know when or what is happening?? I think there should be mandatory training and workshops for teachers and administrators on dealing with this issue, as well as periodic assemblies, workshops, and educational programs for the kids in the classrooms. This is not something you just "teach" them once and then it's over. It's everyday.
The peeps at Barnes & Noble have a fabulous section on their site about No Name-Calling Week and several resources for parents and teachers. Here are just some of the downloads I am looking forward to printing off and sharing with my kids and their school:
There are also several books that are aimed at dealing with issues of bullying and name-calling. Barnes & Noble has special pricing on books in this category for a limited time in honor of No Name-Calling Week.
So, will YOU pledge to bring about awareness of No Name-Calling Week next week? I hope so, because we are ALL in this parenting gig together!
Photo credit: nonamecallingweek.org
