There are thousands of parenting books out there but if you are hoping that one of them will give you the magic formula for raising your children, you’re going to be disappointed. There is no right answer, and even though you can take advice from books and other parents, you need to develop your own parenting style that works for you and your children. A lot of parents struggle with this and they don’t really know where to start, which can be a problem because children need consistency from their parents. If you are not sure how to develop your own parenting style, here are a few tips to help you along the way.
Understand Your Personality Type
When you are trying to build any kind of relationship, it’s important that you understand your own personality type, and the personality type of your children. The Enneagram Personality Test outlines 9 different personality types that most people fit into. If you take the test, you can find out whether you're a caregiver or an idealist, or perhaps you are a performer or a creative. Finding out your personality type gives you an insight into how you best communicate with people, and that’s important when trying to develop a parenting style. If you learn to recognize your child’s personality type, it will help you learn how to communicate well with them and approach difficult situations in the right way.
Think About Your Own Parents
Your own parents are the best yardstick that you have, so you should think about what their parenting style was like. Were they incredibly strict with you? How did they discipline you? Did they correct your behavior with anger or understanding and emotional support? When you are thinking about how your parents raised you, it’s important to consider how your childhood affected you and what your relationship with your parents is like now. If your parents were very strict with you and you feel that this has caused you to have a distant relationship with them now, for example, you may want to take a different approach. Think about the good aspects of their parenting that you want to emulate, and the bad aspects that you want to avoid and this will help you to develop your own style.
Both Parents Must Be Consistent
Everybody has a slightly different parenting style, but it’s important that both parents are consistent and they send the same message to the children. This is especially important when dealing with bad behavior because if one parent takes a hardline approach and punishes a child, and then the other parent comes in and says that they are overreacting, the child becomes confused about whether their behavior was acceptable or not. It’s important that both parents agree on the right course of action when disciplining children so the message is clear.
It always takes time to develop your own parenting style so don’t panic if you don’t get it right straight away. As long as you remain consistent, you will find your feet soon enough.
CANDY TAI is a wife to David and mom of 5 with a degree in Communications. She's a native Texan (Hook 'Em Horns!) who's been making her home in the Kansas City metro area for nearly 15 years. She loves being able to shuffle her kids from their various sports activities, piano lessons, and school activities. She enjoys fashion, beauty, reality TV, and moviegoing.