Are You In An Abusive Relationship Without Even Knowing It?

Knowing the signs of an abusive relationship can be a big help for many people who aren't sure what these relationships look and feel like from the inside. Abuse is not always physical. Oftentimes, it’s emotional. This means the person experiencing abuse can sometimes convince themselves that it’s all in their minds, and that what they are experiencing really isn't as bad as they think. This may be how they cope for a while, but pretty soon, abuse of any kind can become too much to bear. 

 

The following signs are all signs that those in an abusive relationship could experience. You don’t need to experience them all to be in an abusive relationship, though. You may also only experience one type of abuse, or both types. Read on to see if any of them resonate: 

 

Signs of Psychological Abuse 

 

• They embarrass you. 

• They put you down constantly. 

• They are hyper critical of you.

• They ignore you.

• They cheat on you.

• They are unreasonably jealous.

• They withdraw affection from you.

• They try to control you.

• They guilt trip you.

• They isolate you from your friends and family.

• They try to use money to control you.

• They are dismissive of you.

• They call you names.

• They shout at you.

• They say mean things and claim they are ‘joking’.

• They threaten to hurt themselves if you leave.

• They know you don’t like something and continue to do it anyway. 

 

Everybody has the capacity to be emotionally abusive sometimes, unfortunately. This doesn’t necessarily make them an abuser. Everybody makes mistakes, and your partner may have learned passive aggression from a parent, for example. However, you should be able to bring something that bothers you up with a partner and discuss it, before coming to an agreement or compromise. An abuser would not be willing to see anything wrong with their behaviour, and will also likely gaslight you into believing you are imagining all of these things. 

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Signs of Physical Abuse

 

• Being threatened with violence if you don’t do what they say.

• You are hit or beaten for making a ‘mistake’ (like burning the dinner or not having it on the table).

• They are grabby/pushy with you when angry. 

• They hurt you and apologise profusely, begging you to take them back and claim they will never do it again. 

• They hurt you and say they will get help, but never do. 

• Your children have bruises and other signs of abuse. 

 

Violence in a relationship is never ok. Neither partner should get so out of control and unable to regulate their emotions that they lash out at the other. If this is a problem, then the abuser needs to admit they have an issue and get help. You should never blame yourself because you believed you ‘said the wrong thing’ or ‘provoked’ them, for example. Two people in a relationship should be able to make mistakes and disagree, working through their problems calmly and sensibly like adults. If you have been hurt in your relationship or are being physically abused, then places like Adviceline Injury Lawyers could help you figure out the next steps to take. 

 

It’s important to remember that many people learn this unacceptable behaviour from a very young age, so they will not change with willpower alone. They should get professional help - and you are under no obligation to stick around while they get it. Staying in an abusive relationship, no matter what kinds, can be extremely demoralising and ruin your self esteem. It can also be extremely dangerous. 

 

Many people in abusive relationships stay too long and end up with permanent scars and disfigurements, as well as mental health problems like PTSD. If you have children, it’s even more important to take action. Children who witness this behaviour, even if they are not subject to it, will be deeply affected and can react in a number of ways. Even if it isn't evident now, it will become evident as they age. 

 

Perhaps you’re worried that somebody you love is in an abusive relationship. Here are the signs to look out for:

 

• They are far more quiet and withdrawn now than they used to be (especially when their partner is present). 

• You hardly see them and they cancel plans. 

• They have said their partner doesn’t like it when they do certain things or see certain people. 

• You have noticed injuries multiple times. 

• They dress completely differently (this may be to hide injuries, or simply because their partner does not like them to wear ‘revealing’ clothing). 

• Their partner has a history of this kind of behaviour. 

 

Abusive relationships are more common than we would like to think - know the signs and take action.